Not sure why, but I found myself on my own blog for the first time in years. Still encouraged by those around me to write a book, I kept this link around to access the many installations of my life over the last several years. Since the days of Facebook, blogs have become obsolete, though, I just realized that has nothing to do with my lack of posting.
I have just had a very unexpected, very unwelcomed "ah-ha moment". I lost myself. A while ago. Like, really, really lost myself.
I wrote that last essay about Ross very early into what would become the most corrosive, painful, and tumultuous period of my life, following which I have never fully recovered. That decision to leap into the unknown of sharing my life with a relapsing addict had consequences that I really didn't even conceive of. I never imagined that I was the sort of woman who would end up so hopelessly trapped in a blinding whirl of madness, control, and despair. And to NOT walk away! I never, ever thought that would be me. But it was. It is.
Now it's time to peel away the layers in my own true form; introspectively, creatively, fearlessly and with a dash of dark humor. Time to find me again. Time to come back.
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