Reflections of the newly single...

So, how does one go about this whole "being single" and "dating" thing??? Hell if I know.

I have officially had two online conversations with prospective friends/etc... one good and one bad. And I mean really bad. Details are irrelevant, but for a moment, I wondered if all men out there are such caustic, control freaking, dull, closed-minded assholes. That is until I spoke with prospect #2 (to steal Michelle's dating language). He seems a little more down to earth, laid back, intelligent, and introspective than Jackass non-prospect #1.

I am pretty sure I made about as much of a fool out of myself as I possibly could during the course of our conversation last night, and as a result, I am mortified...but it was a good learning experience if nothing else.

Though I refrain from much of what I want to spew, I seem to feel this constant need to explain away myself and my life. I guess I feel like I am so weighed down with baggage, that I couldn't possibly be a realistic prospect to any man worth dating. I mean, a thirty-something, recovering addict, former fat chick who, let's face it, is never gonna have a baby-smooth, tight, six-pack or a slammin' ass - It's just no longer in the cards for me. My life is far from "normal" and far from "boring".....or is it??? I'm so hard on myself.

I seem to be quick to forget all that I do have to offer. Despite my baggage, I am a quick-witted, educated and strong woman, who for the most part, has her shit together. I can be loving and kind, fearless and searching, and on top of it all, I can cook. Who am I trying to convince? Obviously me.

It was brought to my attention last night that we ALL are in one type of recovery or another. So, why am I so unique? I suppose EVERYBODY who is "out there" has baggage. And the whole point is to find someone who is intrigued by the "whole package"....body, mind, spirit AND baggage.

Right?