I ended up having to find a replacement to speak at our latest Narcotics Anonymous event due to circumstances beyond my control, and to say that I wasn't a little (OK, a lot) relieved would be a lie.
I have been sharing at meetings for the last 3 1/2 years, so what is it about being the "speaker" at an event that has me so worked up? I have been freaking about this all month, this 30 minutes of "carrying my message" to my fellow addicts....what is the problem?
Well, first of all, I have been the main speaker at exactly 1 meeting thus far and to say that it was an utter disaster would be minimizing the situation. I basically went through every detail of my using life until the chairperson pointed at his watch and I said, "and then I got clean and my life is better now."
UGH!!!
I guess my biggest struggle is identifying the answer to the question...what is my message???
I'm an addict, that part is clear enough. I am a woman in recovery...again, obvious. Dysfunctional past, self-esteem issues, codependent...blah, blah, blah. Heard it before. What makes my story MINE?? I am not your typical "low bottom" addict as I understand a "low bottom" addict to be...i.e. needles, prison, prostitution, homelessness....so what makes my story worth telling?
I am going to have to ponder this question and get back to you.
1 comment:
What is your message? hmmm.......good question! And unfortunately,one I can't answer for ya, Lizzie. I will say this though: The fact that you battle---AND conquer-- TWO diseases at the same time shows me you are a very, very strong and courageous woman. And I for one am constantly in awe of you. You are an inspiration to me Lizzie,as I am sure you are to many others. Your message? To me it has loudly been: It Works. Typical? Nah, you are not typical!! :) Keep it that way, huh?
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